Tomorrow is Valentines Day, a day to celebrate human love in western tradition.
Many of us will take this opportunity to show our love for our loved ones with
cards, candy, flowers or gifts. Entire sections of our stores have turned
reddish crimson with Valentines merchandise.
Here at the Baptist church we celebrate Valentines Day in the way we always
have, the way all good Baptists should: we have a meal. And while most Baptists
are happy with a simple potluck, we go all out. We have a lasagna dinner
complete with our own live entertainment.
It’s important for us to communicate our love to our loved ones. But some of the
traditions associated with Valentine’s Day can get a little wooden after a
while. Sometimes we go through the motions rather than doing things that reflect
how we really feel.
This week we purchased valentines for Emma to give to each of her classmates at
school. All the children fill them out and they give a valentine to each of
their classmates. That sounds like a sweet thing to do.
But I remember when I was in fifth grade and I had to pass out valentines to all
my classmates. I wasn’t really a big fan of girls in fifth grade, so I wasn’t
sure I wanted to give them all valentines.
But even if I decided I could do that, I also had to give valentines to the
other boys in the class. Now I don’t know what things are like today, but 35
years ago boys would never willingly give valentines to each other. We only did
it because our parents forced us to.
I mean, what was the purpose? Were we attempting to express our love for the
other boys in class? Back then you would normally have been beaten up for doing
that kind of thing.
Fortunately the greeting card companies tried to bail us out by printing
superhero valentines with “The Hulk” or “Captain America” on them. Handing those
out to another boy was more like giving him a high-five than a valentine. But
honestly, my heart was never really in it.
We all have things we do in life even if our heart’s not in it. Sometimes we do
things out of ritual. Other times we do things to avoid hurting others’
feelings. But if you live much of your life going through motions that don’t
really reflect how you really feel, you’re going to eventually resent having to
do those things.
And in the end, you may be saying something about yourself that isn’t true.
That’s part of what Jesus was getting at in the passage read for this morning.
He was challenging the idea that God simply wanted people to follow certain
rules in life, regardless of how they really felt about it.
This passage is from a section called “The Sermon on the Mount”, one of five
speeches Jesus gives in Matthew. Matthew intentionally describes Jesus’ life and
actions using images that make him look like Moses, the Old Testament figure who
led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt.
But Matthew is less interested in images of liberation and more interested in
the fact that God also gave Moses the laws which the people of Israel were
supposed to follow. Moses received 613 laws from God which, if followed, would
guarantee divine protection from enemies, long life, and prosperity to Israel.
The story of the Old Testament depicts Israel as constantly being unwilling or
unable to follow those laws. And the consequence of not obeying was a constant
battle to maintain control over their territory.
They were invaded over and over by other armies. They were taken into captivity
for 50 years by the Babylonians. They were ruled by one foreign nation after the
other. And the rationale for this long string of unfortunate events is that they
weren’t following the law.
Matthew describes Jesus’ life as God’s last attempt to straighten Israel up
before destroying the entire world. Instead of sending a prophet to tell people
to start obeying those laws, God sends the Messiah, God’s own son, to teach them
how to follow those laws correctly.
Let’s be clear, there were already lots of people in Judea who tried as best
they could to follow those laws. And there were plenty of others who made it
their life’s work to teach other people how to follow those laws.
Jesus comes into contact with lawyers who knew the law inside and out. He deals
with Pharisees who spent much of their lives living with the peasant class and
teaching them to follow the law. He also has to deal with the Sadducees, the
group who ran the temple. They also considered themselves very law abiding
people.
When you look at today’s passage, it becomes clear that Jesus is unhappy with
the manner in which these other groups followed those laws. He accuses them of
following the letter, but not the spirit of the laws. And he tells his disciples
that they must be even stricter about obeying those laws than any of the other
groups around them.
When they heard him say that, they probably thought to themselves, “Are you
kidding? The Pharisees and Sadducees do nothing but focus on the laws every day
of their lives. How can we be even better than they are?”
Jesus teaches them that, unlike the other folks, their obedience cannot be just
in their actions. It also has to be in their minds and hearts. To illustrate
what he means, he quotes a number of commandments from the law and describes the
difference between following those laws in one’s actions and actually taking
them to heart.
The first commandment he refers to is from the Ten Commandments. Everyone knew
this one by heart: “Thou Shalt not Kill”. You shall not murder. Everyone knew
that was against the law. But Jesus said, “It’s not good enough to simply avoid
killing someone. That’s what those other namby-pamby groups teach. My disciples
aren’t even allowed to harbor anger against someone.”
He goes on to say that they can’t even insult someone or call them a fool. He
says that those who do so deserve a fiery punishment just like a murderer. It
wasn’t against the law to hold a grudge. It wasn’t again the law to call someone
a fool. Those were all legal.
But they miss the point. The point is for people to imitate God’s own holiness,
not just go through the motions. Unless their hearts were changed, they were
just as bad as murderers.
The next law he refers to is also from the Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt not
commit adultery.” If you’re married you cannot cheat on your spouse. Everyone
knew that was against the law. But in Matthew Jesus’ perception was that other
groups were allowing people to get around the spirit of that law.
Think of it: the law prohibits the act of cheating, but it doesn’t prohibit
things like sexual harassment. It doesn’t outlaw lewd talk. It doesn’t outlaw
inappropriate touching. It doesn’t say that you can’t spend your entire life
lusting over someone else’s spouse. All those things were legal.
But Jesus says that if you lust over a woman in your heart, it’s no better than
actually committing adultery in real life. Your heart and mind must be as pure
as your actions. Now I can just imagine young men listening to him and saying,
“You’re asking us not to lust over women? Are you kidding? Were you never 17
years old?”
When you’re a teenager or a young adult, it seems like there’s nothing else to
think about. Now you can’t even think about that? It sounded impossible to a lot
of people. It still does.
But I think his point was that the prohibition of adultery was meant to engender
a certain level of respect for other people and their relationships. It is meant
to create a high standard of trust and loyalty in a marital relationship. And
that standard is eroded when someone’s loyalty is divided between his wife and
some other woman.
Now let’s be perfectly honest about what this means for us today. The church has
traditionally interpreted this passage to mean that any impure thoughts about
anyone before you’re married, and any lustful desires when you are married
originate straight from the fires of hell, and that they equate us with someone
who has actually cheated on their spouse.
I don’t think that’s really how human beings work. It is not wrong to think
about sex before you’re married. It is not wrong to find someone other than your
spouse attractive once you are married.
Human sexuality is created by God and it doesn’t work that way. Our sexuality
doesn’t wait to develop until we’re married, and it doesn’t turn off once we do
get married. There’s a big difference between normal human sexuality and really
wanting to have an affair outside of your marriage.
The church has usually failed to make that distinction, and they’ve
misinterpreted Jesus’ teachings about having both a clean mind and a clean life.
And that misinterpretation has caused billions of people over the years to hate
their sexuality and be ashamed of their own minds.
That is not Jesus’ intent. Jesus intends to teach us to respect for ourselves,
other people, and to honor the relationships that have developed among those
around us.
Jesus also speaks about the issue of divorce. Again these teachings have formed
the framework of the way the church has approached the issue of marriage for
almost 2000 years.
Everyone knew during Jesus’ time that divorce was legal. Women were generally
not allowed to initiate a divorce, although there is some evidence that they
could do so in particular circumstances.
Men were usually allowed to end their marriage by taking a piece of paper and
writing a note to their wives saying that they wanted a divorce. That was all
there was to it. The woman was out the door with no alimony, child support, or
custody in most cases.
The law doesn’t specify what the grounds for divorce were. The Pharisees claimed
that Moses had given them guidelines on that question, but there were many
different opinions about what those guidelines were.
Jesus clearly thinks that the guidelines being used are too vague, and that
women were being thrown out of the house on the flimsiest of excuses. He accuses
those other groups of being libertines when it comes to divorce. But not his
disciples.
Nope. The only allowable reason for divorce according to Jesus is if your spouse
cheats on you. This same passage appears in the Gospel of Mark, and in that
version you can’t even divorce your spouse for cheating.
Now that probably sounds a little harsh to most of us. By and large we prefer
Matthew to Mark on this issue. Cheating is typically seen as a legitimate reason
to file for divorce.
But the purpose of Jesus’ teaching is not just to tighten up the rules. The men
who tossed their wives out on their ears for burning the toast at breakfast were
actually following the letter of the law. But that’s not the spirit of the law.
Again, he’s pointing out that marriage is not simply about not cheating or
making sure you follow the proper rules for divorce. It’s about loving your
spouse as you love yourself. It’s about treating people with the dignity that
God gave them. And if you can’t even treat your own spouse with that kind of
dignity, how can you hope to treat others with dignity?
The other commandment he teaches about in this passage refers to the taking of
oaths, and I don’t have time this morning to go into it. But as we reflect on
this passage, I want you to think about people and situations in your life where
this approach to right and wrong challenges you to rethink your behavior.
Are there some people you interact with, and when you do so you’re simply going
through the motions of being their friend or treating them with respect? At some
point are you actually being dishonest with them about how you feel?
Why does your relationship with that other person feel so artificial? Are there
ways you could deal with the underlying issues that keep you from being honest
with them and force you to go through the motions?
Everyone knows that murder and assault are illegal. We all know that you go to
jail for doing that. But aren’t there some actions which are just as devastating
as assaulting someone else? Aren’t there words which hurt someone’s mind as much
as an injury hurts their bodies?
When we hold a grudge against someone, doesn’t it reflect a level of hatred
similar to the kind of hatred which motivates people to kill one another? Even
if we don’t kill that other person, sometimes the damage is already done.
Jesus is not simply asking us to be obedient in what we do and don’t do. He’s
asking us to allow these teachings to change our hearts and our attitudes
towards others in a way that reflects God’s own nature.
There is a true story abut two farmers in Canada. One day the dog of one farmer
got loose and mauled to death the two-year-old child of his neighbor. The
devastated father cut off all relationship with his neighbor, and the two men
lived in cold, defiant enmity for years.
Then one day a fire devastated the property of the dog-owning farmer, destroying
his barn and all his equipment. He was unable to plow and plant, and so his
future appeared doomed. Except that the next morning he woke up and found all
his fields plowed and ready for seed.
Upon investigation, he discovered that his grieving neighbor had done this good
deed. Humbly the rescued farmer approached his neighbor and asked him if he had
plowed his fields -- and, if so, why. The answer was clear: "Aye," the former
enemy said. "I plowed your fields so that God can live."
My friends, hard-core Christian love is not about affection and friendship. It
is about forgiveness and reconciliation. It is about a law deeper than
litigation. It is about the law of grace and the power of resurrection.
This day, if any of us feel estranged from God, it is not because God has moved
away from us. It is because we have moved away from God. We have become
distanced by all the anger and brokenness and disappointment in the
relationships of this world.
This week I want to challenge you not to simply go around doing what you’re
supposed to do, what you have to do. Examine your heart and ask yourself, “How
can I respond to this situation or this person with the kind of dignity that God
has shown me in my life? How can I do what’s loving instead of just doing the
minimum? Who am I really out to impress here?”
Matthew teaches us that when our hearts and our actions are on the same page,
only then can we really claim to be Jesus’ followers. There’s a difference
between following the rules and following Jesus. I pray that God will guide us
each day to understand the difference.